You can't be afraid of stepping on toes if you want to go dancing.- Lewis Freedman
Come Out
in Support of Others.
Columbus Day Holiday Weekend a Full Spectrum of Covington ARTS!
Bro. Larry O'Toole, F.S.C. was a newly minted member of the staff at Newport Catholic during my tenure ('69-'73) who became a friend end eventually my sponsor when I entered the postulancy post graduation... Now, he's the Executor of My Estate & Successor Trustee of MWCLT, my dear longtime friend now retired as the Chief Guidance Counselor of Vianney HS in St Louis and he's later than I thought...
Our President issued a Proclamation; saying “Each June, we commemorate the courageous individuals who have fought to achieve this promise for LGBT Americans, and we rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity,” He also noted that June marks the 30th anniversary of the HIV/AIDS crisis, an epidemic that has taken the lives of millions of gay and bisexual men.
"This month also marks the 30th anniversary of the emergence of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, which has had a profound impact on the LGBT community. Though we have made strides in combating this devastating disease, more work remains to be done, and I am committed to expanding access to HIV/AIDS prevention and care. Last year, I announced the first comprehensive National HIV/AIDS Strategy for the United States. This strategy focuses on combinations of evidence-based approaches to decrease new HIV infections in high risk communities, improve care for people living with HIV/AIDS, and reduce health disparities. My Administration also increased domestic HIV/AIDS funding to support the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program and HIV prevention, and to invest in HIV/AIDS-related research. However, government cannot take on this disease alone. This landmark anniversary is an opportunity for the LGBT community and allies to recommit to raising awareness about HIV/AIDS and continuing the fight against this deadly pandemic...”
Every generation of Americans has brought our Nation closer to fulfilling its promise of equality. While progress has taken time, our achievements in advancing the rights of LGBT Americans remind us that history is on our side, and that the American people will never stop striving toward liberty and justice for all.”
Orwell said; “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
"I Never Expected to Live this Long..." I have been a Witness since the beginning and a survivor for the last twenty years. After I was tested and diagnosed in 1991, I began writing about my experiences and compiling them under the title: "Coming OUT of Hiding: A Retrospective Journey through AIDS..." .The importance of telling such stories was addressed by a keynote address given by Mary Fisher during National AIDS Awareness Month (http://www.hivcouncil.org/mary_fisher.htm). Although you may not have read anything I've written yet, you have lived through the same times and seen many of the same headlines, stories and events that I have. In her remarks, Mary Fisher said: "When first I was diagnosed with HIV in 1991, and when first many of you joined the fight, the AIDS community had its own story. It was a story of mysterious reports and sudden wasting, of an unnoticed community of hemophiliacs whose lives were suddenly being cut short and a previously hidden gay community whose fabric and texture was suddenly, brutally, being exposed by AIDS. Headlines told stories of families making three discoveries simultaneously: their brothers were gay, their brothers were sick, their brothers were dying." Although we now know that the Virus doesn't discriminate against who it infects anymore, I think that the overriding point is that SOCIETY still does. It is Stigma and Discrimination that continues to present obstacles to an infected persons "Quality of Life".
I'm doing the best I can, but it's not easy. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. After 30 years, my deep concern remains that the current medical advancements and increased longevity have only served to sugar-coat the reality doing a disservice to the public and actually impeding prevention efforts. This was brought home to me in the headlines, stories and events that are part of my experience. I am very well aware that mine is a rather dark story that people do not want to hear, but I tell it to counter the sugar coating for the sake of prevention. I'm hoping that a heaping dose of my honest reality about "Life, and Living, with HIV/AIDS in America" - "that most of the time, it sucks... Big Time!" might succeed where the other side of the story hasn't.
"HIV is something you Live with every day
for The Rest of your Life.
You may never die Of HIV/AIDS,
but you will always die with It..."
In the wake of his passing and memorialization, I came across this amazing Steve Jobs quote:
"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something… almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."And recently, POZ Blogger David Ernesto Munar reminded us; "Let's not forget that just 30 years ago, we had no idea what caused these clusters of mysterious illness and death and we had no effective treatments. When the crisis began and for more than a decade, the best we could do was help people with AIDS mitigate their pain and suffering and die with dignity..."
My Journey began at the end of that first decade; after the discovery of HIV, the introduction of AZT, the same year as "Magic Johnson" and four years after Randy Shilts published "And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic".
On Thursday (10/3/91), I got the results from my first and only HIV test. In preparation, I had told myself that it was a 50-50 proposition with an equal number of reasons whit it could be positive or negative. It was positive. I was, and at the same time was not, surprised. I was not surprised because gay men are still the most at risk and because for the last two years I’d had swollen glands (lymph nodes) that I couldn’t explain. On the other hand, I was surprised because I didn’t think I fit my perception of the profile of the gay men who are most at risk. I had been “out” since 1978, at least out enough to have discovered that I was not alone and where to go to be with my own kind. True, in those early days of my new found freedom in the bars there were instances when I had been somewhat care free about who and what I did. But that was before AIDS came along and I was always primarily interested in pursuing a monogamous relationship and never considered myself to be a slut. I had never been the type to go home with someone new every night I went out or to participate in kinky or group sexual scenes. I never thought that my behavior had been risky enough that it would happen to me. And even though my glands were quite noticeably swollen, they weren’t painful or causing any problems and I felt as healthy as I’d ever felt...
In many ways, I considered that I died and had been a dead man walking since October 3, 1991. Most assuredly since October 10th, when Perkins learned my status and "constructively discharged" me. Since then, I have tried my best to journey on with dignity, honesty and that conscious gratitude that every day is a gift, reaching out to something bigger than myself...
My mission is to continue reaching out to something bigger than myself so that I may enhance all those pills, powders, and protein shakes; to live to tell as long as I am able and to share my experiences with any one who may benefit from what I've learned.
[hiv-aids-support]@YahooGroups
Thankfully, before there was FaceBook; we had online connection and outreach through internet pioneers like Yahoo!
Since I’d already lost my job, which was the only thing of value that I had feared to lose, I became quite candid in discussing my situation with people I felt were interested and would be supportive. That included friends, family, doctors, lawyers, AVOC counselors and community leaders. Through this, as I mentioned before, I’ve discovered a lot about the myths and misconceptions about this disease. And again, while I was not surprised by those of the straight community, I was most surprised by those of the gay community. Most people believe that (Full-blown)AIDS = Death and, tragically, that is usually true. A great many also believe, as I once did, that being HIV positive = AIDS (which in turn = Death). That is simply not true, there is a big difference between the two. To understand this, consider the T-Cell Count which is a primary indicator of health in HIV infection. A normal, healthy count falls in the range of 900-1200, while a count of 250 or less is the norm when a person becomes sick, is diagnosed with AIDS and eventually dies. That leaves a range of about 250-900 where a person is below normal yet still healthy. The accumulated research now shows that being HIV positive is a condition similar to Diabetes and, as such, is classified as a Chronic, Controllable disease. The key to being controllable, however, is Early Detection and Intervention. And that, my friends, is the single most important reason why everyone should take the HIV test. Especially anyone who has ever engaged in what is now considered unsafe sex, even if it was years ago or not very often. This virus has been around a lot longer than we think and it only takes one contact to get it. Look at this as being as important as voting, if not more so, and apply the same slogan; “There’s no good excuse!”
And speaking of excuses, I’ve probably heard them all and even used a couple myself at this point. They include, but are not limited to, the following:
*I’m healthy, I have the usual little illnesses which I get over normally and have none of the major symptoms of AIDS.However, many of these excuses are grounded in the myths and misconceptions about HIV and AIDS that many people still believe. If they would learn the truth, they would realize that there are things that can be done and much more to be gained than lost...
*When I first came out years ago I had unsafe sexual encounters, but I was never a bed-hopping slut with multiple contacts or engaged in group or kinky sex.
*When AIDS hit here in 1985 and we became aware of it and learned about safer sex; we changed our behaviors.
*What if a couple gets tested and one is and one isn’t, what’ll happen to the relationship? Knowing isn’t worth the trouble it may cause.
*What about my job, my home, my friends and family? There’s too much that could be lost if I’m positive and it gets out.
*If I’ve got the virus I’m going to eventually get AIDS and die and there isn’t anything I can do about it, so there’s no reason to bother being tested.
hing It!
"...The more you do the more you can do.'' & Since Kevin got stuck in St Louie with the end of summer croup I just got over, let's go see what's up post Style Wars...
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